School Jokes
Posted: November 3rd, 2006, 3:12 pmWhat did the shaggy dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684?
The wrong answer!
Why does the letter A look like a flower?
Because a b(bee) always comes after it!
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet!
What form of math discusses plant growth?
Geometry (Gee-I'm a Tree)!
When does a cart come before a horse?
In the dictionary!
What two letters of the alphabet contain nothing?
MT!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils!
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
He wanted the lesson to be very clear!
Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
Because she wanted to test the waters!
What is the center of gravity?
The letter V!
What letter is found in a cup?
T!
How do you know if your teacher likes you?
She keeps putting X's on your paper!
When was The Great Depression?
Last week, when I got my report card!
Why did the class clown give a dog biscuit to Katie?
Because he heard she was the teacher's pet!
Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?
Student: The guy who went out with Eve!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in High School!
What room can a student never enter?
A Mushroom!
What has 3 feet and no legs?
A yardstick!
What occurs 4 times in every week, 2 times in every month, & once in a year?
The letter E!
What do you get when you add 13 hospital patients to 13 hospital patients?
Twenty Sicks!
Who is your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!
What has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi!
How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters?
ICE!
Why did the girl turn in her math book?
It had too many problems!
What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a day?
The letter M!
Is a hammer a good tool for math class?
No, you need multi-pliers!
Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil!
What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
A teapot!
What is the study of back-to-school shopping?
Buy-ology!
What school do you greet people in?
Hi School!
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
25, because the Angel said Noel!
Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C (sea) level!
Did you know that grasshoppers have antennae?
Cool, do they get cable?
My teacher blamed me for something I didn't do!
My homework!
What is the difference between me and you?
You is longer!
Why did the silly student bring his homework to the movies?
Because the teacher told him to date his paper!
Why was the book in the hospital?
Because it broke its spine!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
neither, they both weigh a ton! (submitted by T.T.)
"Railroad Crossing, watch for cars...How do you spell that without any R's?
THAT!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8(ate) 9!
What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
Today and Tomorrow!
How many seconds are there in a year?
12...2nd of January, 2nd of February...!
Why is it dangerous to put the letter "M" into the refrigerator?
Because it changes ice into Mice!
What is 5Q + 5Q?
10Q...You're Welcome!
What goes up and down but doesn't move?
The temperature!
What is the only class you can plant a flower in?
In Kindergarden!
What is in the middle of America and Australia?
The letter R!
What flies around the school at night?
The alpha-bat!
Why did the teacher bring crackers to her meeting?
Because it was a parrot-teacher conference!
Why did Tommy take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
Which candle burns longer, a red one or a green one?
Neither, they both burn shorter!
What is a teacher's three favorite words?
June, July & August!
Why does Mrs. Smith wear sunglasses in class?
Because her class is so bright!
What's the difference between a train & a teacher?
A train says choo-choo & a teacher says "Spit out your gum"!
What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
Smarty Pants!
What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it?
An envelope!
The wrong answer!
Why does the letter A look like a flower?
Because a b(bee) always comes after it!
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet!
What form of math discusses plant growth?
Geometry (Gee-I'm a Tree)!
When does a cart come before a horse?
In the dictionary!
What two letters of the alphabet contain nothing?
MT!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils!
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
He wanted the lesson to be very clear!
Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
Because she wanted to test the waters!
What is the center of gravity?
The letter V!
What letter is found in a cup?
T!
How do you know if your teacher likes you?
She keeps putting X's on your paper!
When was The Great Depression?
Last week, when I got my report card!
Why did the class clown give a dog biscuit to Katie?
Because he heard she was the teacher's pet!
Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?
Student: The guy who went out with Eve!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in High School!
What room can a student never enter?
A Mushroom!
What has 3 feet and no legs?
A yardstick!
What occurs 4 times in every week, 2 times in every month, & once in a year?
The letter E!
What do you get when you add 13 hospital patients to 13 hospital patients?
Twenty Sicks!
Who is your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!
What has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi!
How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters?
ICE!
Why did the girl turn in her math book?
It had too many problems!
What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a day?
The letter M!
Is a hammer a good tool for math class?
No, you need multi-pliers!
Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil!
What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
A teapot!
What is the study of back-to-school shopping?
Buy-ology!
What school do you greet people in?
Hi School!
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
25, because the Angel said Noel!
Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C (sea) level!
Did you know that grasshoppers have antennae?
Cool, do they get cable?
My teacher blamed me for something I didn't do!
My homework!
What is the difference between me and you?
You is longer!
Why did the silly student bring his homework to the movies?
Because the teacher told him to date his paper!
Why was the book in the hospital?
Because it broke its spine!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
neither, they both weigh a ton! (submitted by T.T.)
"Railroad Crossing, watch for cars...How do you spell that without any R's?
THAT!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8(ate) 9!
What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
Today and Tomorrow!
How many seconds are there in a year?
12...2nd of January, 2nd of February...!
Why is it dangerous to put the letter "M" into the refrigerator?
Because it changes ice into Mice!
What is 5Q + 5Q?
10Q...You're Welcome!
What goes up and down but doesn't move?
The temperature!
What is the only class you can plant a flower in?
In Kindergarden!
What is in the middle of America and Australia?
The letter R!
What flies around the school at night?
The alpha-bat!
Why did the teacher bring crackers to her meeting?
Because it was a parrot-teacher conference!
Why did Tommy take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
Which candle burns longer, a red one or a green one?
Neither, they both burn shorter!
What is a teacher's three favorite words?
June, July & August!
Why does Mrs. Smith wear sunglasses in class?
Because her class is so bright!
What's the difference between a train & a teacher?
A train says choo-choo & a teacher says "Spit out your gum"!
What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
Smarty Pants!
What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it?
An envelope!
